Never Split The Difference | Chris Voss | Cliff Note Books
“Never Split the Difference” is a book written by former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss. The book focuses on the art of negotiation and offers practical strategies for negotiating in both personal and professional contexts.
Voss emphasizes the importance of active listening, empathy, and building rapport with the other party. He also stresses the need to use open-ended questions to gather information and to reframe negative statements into positive ones.
Another key concept in the book is the use of “mirroring,” which involves repeating the last few words of what the other person says to encourage them to keep talking. Additionally, Voss discusses the value of setting boundaries and using the power of silence to create discomfort and prompt the other party to offer concessions.
Throughout the book, Voss uses real-life examples from his career in the FBI to illustrate his negotiation tactics, showing how they can be used to resolve conflicts and achieve better outcomes in any situation.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Active listening and empathy are essential to effective negotiation: To negotiate successfully, you need to understand the other party’s perspective and build a rapport with them. This requires active listening, empathy, and the ability to put yourself in their shoes.
Use open-ended questions to gather information: Open-ended questions, which cannot be answered with a simple yes or no, are an effective way to gather information and encourage the other party to keep talking.
Reframe negative statements: When faced with negative statements, try to reframe them in a positive light. This can help defuse tension and lead to a more productive conversation.
Use “mirroring” to encourage the other party to keep talking: Mirroring involves repeating the last few words of what the other person says. This encourages them to keep talking and can help you gain valuable information.
Set boundaries and use the power of silence: Setting boundaries and using the power of silence can create discomfort and prompt the other party to offer concessions.
Negotiation is not a zero-sum game: You don’t always have to split the difference. By finding creative solutions that benefit both parties, you can often achieve better outcomes than by simply compromising.
Prepare thoroughly: Preparation is key to successful negotiation. Before entering into a negotiation, research the other party and anticipate their likely objections and concerns.
AUTHOR
Chris Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator, author, and speaker. He was born on August 31, 1951, in Mount Vernon, New York.
Voss earned his bachelor’s degree in international studies from Iowa State University in 1974 and later received a master’s degree in English literature from the same university.
He joined the FBI in 1983 and served as a lead international kidnapping negotiator for the agency’s crisis negotiation unit. During his career with the FBI, Voss was involved in numerous high-profile cases, including the 1993 siege at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, and the hijacking of TWA Flight 847 in 1985.
After leaving the FBI in 2007, Voss founded The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and coaching in negotiation and communication skills. He has worked with a wide range of clients, including business executives, entrepreneurs, and law enforcement agencies.
Voss is also the author of “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It,” which was published in 2016 and has become a best-seller. He is a sought-after speaker and has given talks on negotiation and leadership at conferences and events around the world.
Overall, Voss has had a distinguished career in law enforcement and is now recognized as an expert in negotiation and communication.
QUOTES
“The golden rule of negotiation is never split the difference. Negotiation is not a zero-sum game. It’s an exercise in discovery.”
“The best way to identify someone’s emotional state is to listen to their voice. Tone and inflection communicate emotion far better than words.”
“When you make an emotional connection with someone, you establish trust and create an environment that’s conducive to negotiation.”
“Your job as a negotiator is to figure out what the other side wants and find a way to give it to them in exchange for what you want.”
“Negotiation is not about being right. It’s about creating a solution that satisfies both parties.”
“People want to be understood and validated. When you listen actively and acknowledge their feelings, you build trust and create a sense of connection.”
“Effective negotiation requires preparation, practice, and a willingness to be flexible and creative.”
“The most important thing in any negotiation is to keep your emotions in check. When you let your emotions take over, you lose control and make mistakes.”
SUMMARIES
The New Rules: The first chapter introduces the reader to the concept of “tactical empathy,” which involves actively listening to the other party and using empathy to build rapport and create a sense of connection. The chapter also discusses the importance of setting high goals and avoiding the trap of compromising too quickly.
Be a Mirror: In this chapter, Voss introduces the technique of “mirroring,” which involves repeating the last few words of what the other person says to encourage them to keep talking. Mirroring is a powerful tool for building rapport and gaining valuable information.
Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It: Voss argues that instead of trying to empathize with the other person’s emotions, it’s more effective to label their emotions and acknowledge them. This can help defuse tension and create a more productive conversation.
Beware “Yes”—Master “No”: In this chapter, Voss explains why “yes” is a dangerous word in negotiation and why it’s often better to aim for a “no” instead. By getting the other party to say no, you can build rapport and create a more collaborative environment.
Trigger the Two Words That Immediately Transform Any Negotiation: Voss introduces the two words—”That’s right”—that can signal a breakthrough in a negotiation. By getting the other party to say “that’s right,” you can create a sense of validation and build momentum towards a resolution.
Bend Their Reality: Voss explains why it’s important to create a sense of uncertainty and doubt in the other party’s mind. By challenging their assumptions and reframing the situation, you can open up new possibilities and opportunities for agreement.
Create the Illusion of Control: This chapter explores the concept of perceived control, which involves giving the other party the illusion of control over the situation. By doing so, you can create a more collaborative environment and increase the chances of reaching an agreement.
Guarantee Execution: Voss emphasizes the importance of follow-through in negotiation and offers practical tips for ensuring that the other party follows through on their promises. This includes setting specific deadlines and creating a sense of accountability.
Bargain Hard: The final chapter explores the art of bargaining and offers tips for getting the best possible deal. Voss emphasizes the importance of being patient, persistent, and creative, and of staying true to your goals throughout the negotiation process.